Wednesday, 17 February 2016

A Break for a Break

I've been signed off from work from my GP due to a back injury. It's nothing too serious but as I've discovered,  it needs to be rested a lot to give it a proper chance to heal which means staying at home. Previous to this, I've been quite under the weather anyways, what with catching a bad flu a few weeks ago which lead to a nagging cough which definitely did not help with the back injury, so I've been feeling the strain of my 9-8pm days a lot more. I desperately needed some time off.

Though doing my back in is not really how I would have gone about it. Actually, this whole thing I have found to be akin to the grieving process. First, you're shocked and scared. Then you just want to quickly get back to normal and you're frustrated that you just can't. Then you bargain and make a lot of promises to yourself. Then you relax and accept that you're just going to have to wait it out. Healing takes time and the more you rush it, the more you put yourself back a couple of steps.

The first day was great. I had the luxury of taking TWO naps.  Kevin is working so I don't feel at all guilty for not earning anything whilst I'm off. I'm on some good meds to help me with the pain and then more meds to help me with the side effects of my pain meds. I was feeling good.

Then the restlessness kicked in. I wanted to feel productive but lacked the inclination or ability to do so at home. I was reading a book. Cleaning the house. Staring at my paints. But it's almost like having too much free time stifled my ability to channel my energy properly. I was trying too hard. And become fast stuck.

So I sat. And I thought. And I mulled. I pondered over the big questions one rarely has time enough in the a regular day to pay full attention to. Like, what do do I really want to achieve while I'm here.  And suddenly, the answer was simple. 

I need to get a market stall going. I'd really regret leaving the UK and not giving it a shot. And so far I've been scared to do so because the markets are a lot better here, the standard is higher and I was fearful that I might fail at it. But the seed was planted though. Two days ago, I got one idea about my market. And then another. And then a whole barrage of inspiration hit me. I hadn't felt this creatively inspired in a long time. So I'm going to run with it. I'm going to use these 2 weeks I have to work on my market stall and make the dream a reality. Because the only difference between a dream and reality is action.

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